Light

I have ran until there was no more streets to walk,
bad memories that needed to be surpass,
new paths towards,
not wanting to talk of the past,
old loves are far,
arising from what it once was,
no more chains so I can stand,
from the pieces that were left to rot I start,
finding love in unexpected ways,
seeing the horizon guided by the stars,
having inside light to a clear path that shines...

Bedroom

I lay in bed wondering what to do to not think so much, I sit for hours at times, some days I come to the window and see who's passing by, when night starts to fall I could only look at paper store bags running down the street swept by the wind, what else is there? I hear the trees, I feel the breeze, please be anything but me, night and day looking thru others lives, my moments, my instance drifting slowly but surely here on my bed near my window where tomorrow another day repeats again ...

Until sleep

I had no words to say so there was no more choice but to leave,
I felt vulnerable so the tears went out until sleep,
I constantly think of all the things that can't become,
I am yet to be found and nobody comprehends me,
I am alone at night in dead silence,
I spend my time crying and wanting for a change that will not happen...

Cry...

I need to cry, so I cried, tears came down arising from the depth of my lonely soul,
I had to cry, so I could vanish harmful feeling that just wouldn't go,
I needed to cry, so I finally let spill all the things that have happened for months,
I cried because I had no shoulder to weep on nor wanted to show my weak side,
I needed, I had, I finally cried...

Labels

As a teenager I felt the need to fit in but not to be common amongst my peers, so as a result I desperately search a group in which an outcast could be treated as a fellow but for that I Foolishly thought labels would make me 'in' with the people I wanted, holding as tight as possible to friends,some people misread my true intentions and my personality as someone that was fake instead of seeing that I was someone I really wasn't comfortable being, no I did not change who I was or what I liked but pretended to be deeply into something like music or style, most never knew my passions nor ambitions in life, to be honest the things I said to like were my favorite but I also liked other music and other things, it was easier to say everything is of my liking because I seem to be fascinated in so many subjects, to make it worse I became a shadow by making jokes all the time and thanks to that another label arise the there's nothing profound about her, shes just a 'jokester', no serious or intellectual conversations can come from even spending time with her, I had so many labels at that time, my friends they saw who I really was underneath the fake label and saw alba plain and simple no complications. As time passed I realized there was a better liking for me just for being me and  decided to changed, just to see how some people made horrible comments about me, instead of just saying : "hey you are not this or that". In that moment it would had hurt me but I would have appreciated the observation since my real friends knew what was going on in my life, I like direct people and yes I was misguided and for that I made some really bad friends, people who would take advantage of me and do horrible things to my persona to later turn the tables around and made me the bad guy, many believed so still to this very day but no im no victim I chose what I wanted and got what I asked for, I was warned many times about these matters but ignored them, the good thing is I found my right path and learned from those mistakes to become who I really wanted to be...I took off all my labels.

  

bienaventurada

El círculo repetitivo se cerró, ya mi alma no te pertenece, el amor se desvanece, lo bueno, lo aprendido y los recuerdos eso que se quede, tengo algo que es mio sin sentir que me hiere, mis alas se extienden , mis pensamiento se desprenden, lo que fue y ya no es, respiró libremente, bienaventurada ando sin que tu sola mención me aisle...

épocas festivas

Adorno mi cara con expresiones falsas con la semejanza de épocas festivas ornamentando el dintel de las ventanas y puertas, tristeza en navidad sueno un tanto pagana, me desvelo hundida en pensamiento viendo como se consumen las velas encima de la chimenea así pasa mi vida en lenta agonía, tiempo de felicidad y armonía más bien de mas y mas bebida, ya no hay unión familiar, lo único que minimizar el daño de lo que ando pensando es saber que tengo otro año para hacer mi propio cambio ...

Familia

familia, donde esta la unión, el amor, la compresión, ya ni al patriarca se le habla con el mínimo respeto, nos hemos consumido por el orgullo, la ambicion y una falta afecto, la eterna posicion a la defensiva, de creernos más que los demás, el compartir ahora parece un debate de quien tiene mas y el perdedor aparenta tener mucho más, no ahi más simplicidad, no existen conversaciones llevaderas, cero anécdotas por que todos tenemos el coeficiente intelectual de 150 ya es obsoleto tener lo normal, la competencia es así tanta que ya no es solo en el núcleo familiar lo llevamos con nosotros para amigos y conocidos, nos volvimos en acomplejados sociales, es esto la adultez? si es así mas no deseo crecer, debajo de alguna alfombra debe de estar mi verdadera familia la que recuerdo cuando niña...

ventanal...

ven encuentrame en el ventanal donde mis sentimientos estan a flor de piel,brindame tu sonrisa para que llegue mi alegría, llena el cuarto de tu amor y embriágame con afecto, dame todo lo que anhelo y no dirás me arrepiento, una relacion que sea como el cimiento de estas viejas paredes que aún se anotan mil noches y días, donde las rosas se pierden con tu aroma, la mañana despierta espera tu retorno, aquí donde ya sabes que la sombra te arropa, donde te espero, ven encuentrame en el ventanal ... 

muñequita de porcelana

Habia una vez una muñequita de porcelana cuyos ojos jamás vieron la luz del día, su piel era lozana, era perfecta, ese día estaba bien arreglada con una bonita fachada, ella no llegó a jugar con otras muñecas, ni llegó a dar un suspiro y aun asi habia sido un milagro sin que su corazón no diese ni un solo palpito, cautivo a todo aquel que la vio en clausurada en aquella pequeña caja, era delicada, hermosa pero ese dia todo lo que hubo en el aire fue un nefasto sentir, un sufrimiento insoportable la familia no lo podía resistir, no se pudo ver más que en el nicho, aunque no se enmarcan  fotos con ella con el pasar del tiempo ella vive en el corazón de todo el mundo, fue la primera de mis tíos, mis manos en aquel momento pequena  no llegaron a abrazarla, ni tan siquiera logré tocarla por miedo a romper a la princesa , con la edad que tenía pude valorar su importancia por que era la primera muñeca de porcelana que vi humana ...

the raven

It goes around in a vast sea of misfortune, looking for where to seattle in, goes over a river of tears, feeding on the deception of life, it can't spread wings because its not wanted nowhere, no place to call home, in the mystery of the night lurking in the shadow crying out loud, in days rejected, unwanted, not understood by its own flock, playing game pretending to fit in, stigmatized by other species, hiding in dead trees wanting peace, the raven wanting to be something other than what it is but always remains the dark bird in an open sky ....

I do so little...

I pretend everything is fiction when in reality its all brutally real
I promise to never lie to you but I end up saying I'm alright
I do so little but hurt others so much ...

no lo estoy impidiendo ...

tu voz delicada como el viento, tus ojos como fruto que no va cayendo, tus palabras aumentan lo que voy sintiendo, seras tu mi amor aun no lo se pero se que te estoy queriendo, como? nose solo se que sucedio y no lo estoy impidiendo ...

Antaño

quiero un amor que no me haga mas daño,
que todo problema sea hablado,
que quiera siempre estar a mi lado,
que para mi jamas esté ocupado,
que jamás le este estorbando,
quiero un amor de antaño ...

la mujer de acero

Amo a una mujer hecha de acero, quien es la mujer de acero?

es una dama virtuosa, luchadora, de fuertes convicciones, con temple, ella sin importar el máximo para dar siempre entrega el 100%,  jamas se muestra cabizbaja me enseñó a no rendirme, la admiro, la adoro, con trato gentil, manos hechas de seda, con ojos más dulce que cualquier caramelo, instruida, sabe expresarse y proyectarse según la persona y el lugar, sola se enfrentó a la vida conmigo bajo todas las tormentas, no le importo nada que perdió se mantuvo enfocada en sacarnos adelante, no pase un dia de hambre, no pase un dia de vacío por que siempre supo que decirme cuando me encontraba caída, sin ti estoy perdida querida, amada y única madre mia .

mama

En lo que va del transcurso de mi vida no he excedido mis propias expectativas, quiero el umbral para forjar mi camino sin más tropiezos, el triunfo lo siento tan cercano pero se me desvanece ya cuando lo estoy tocando, perdoname madre por no ser tu talón de aquiles, que pasará cuando no haya más vías para  mi jornada, aveces tengo fe en que lograre todo lo que me propongan con lo que tengo a disposicion solo he adquirido exiguo conocimiento, pero soñar no llena nada más que la mente pero no el vientre de mis seres queridos, me siento en constante agobio, mi existencia esta llena de penumbra cuando llegará la claridad que anhelo, mama quiero quitarte carga y llevar los sacos de ahora en adelante yo... cuando sera amor mio ?

me, me and me

Is love really as its put out to be, powerful without any fear or are we really able to love someone and fear so? or I'm I just used to the idea of loneliness since its my comfort zone but what if I don't cope with the idea of sharing my life or is it me being terrified of trying so ? I like time for me and doing stuff for me and being me, what if someone wants to change me? existential issues much ? 

between love and a friend

im getting closer but you're stepping further, at time I can almost touch you, want your heart near mines, you have come to only search vaguely as if not wanting, I love you, I need you, please stay, we can't, my words don't spill out of my enclosed mouth, my heart fears the most to love, I feel the things not said, small talks avoiding but hurting, what should I say or even worse how should I act?

mad and writing

so here today writing about my oh so boring life...soon to be 26  most people would say yay I'm coming liberty ...but i'm here standing saying meh....and got nothing going on for me well other than the fact I graduated as magna cum lauder but i'm not currently working on my mayor, wow shocker alba...everything is looking pretty steep in my life, to much drama oh and of course when things are looking terribly bad you can only rely on some people in my case 2 and a half  that only implying friends and mom, love life? well my past posts makes it very darn clear I am as solo as edgar allan poe or picassos ideas in their times, funniest part some people think i can't even read ...the thanks? thanks to me having a goofball personality, i guess if someone has a funny bones there exiled from having a brain , people assume you can't have all in edens garden clearly being funny without the cleverness and pretentiousness is not funny, so what the heck happened to just funny ?no labels?, do I have to hide, low self esteem much? nah ... the problem is being humble, thats my life and if you stand up for your self  the fact that its the unusual thing you're a complete bitch or nut job, no no actually your just stuck up because your now a professional hahahaha apparently no bueno having some cojones but i must admit people start to see some money an their pocket and start pointing some fingers, money seems to have a numbing effect ...have cash others are trash, looks like no one had money issues, then theres the 'intellectual people' those who was to ridicule you in public affair such as, social gathering and just about anywhere else these people have the necessity to make you feel like shit well no actually just about anyone, those the oh so hated and despised smartasses is like there life goal is to push you down and let them shine to me there as toxic to be near to and have the personality of a black hole the thing is no one likes them why we all hang out with one, come on you can't say you don't know at least one asshole, enough with them the black plague...back to me, all my life made fun of by my own family and other people, think i'm not smart enough to pick up a glimpse, subtle comment or body language messages in fact i do sadly that makes me want to push myself more into a corner, i wonder if he likes me this guy that says he does, is it bad to not want to ruin a friendship even if i like him back ?what if it doesn't work out ? been down that road of preferring a friend, talking about that I used to have this close friend he was so romantic and respectful  , i admired the man but i was not into him and told him many years later he now talks to me about cheating on his wife with me because intellectually internet talking or sexual stuff is not cheating , to him cheating is physical or emotional and says he and his wife that they can block the emotional things wtf dude, so if lets say your penis becomes erect by the things i tell you this becomes cheating because he already has a emotional attachment with me as a friend, is he stupid, he knows what kind of women i am so what is up with that? i'm not a ok with friend with benefits or open relationship girl but don't judge no one, thats just one friend about others of my life situations i will talk about some other boring day ...