so much bottled inside , so little to give from the outside ....

lately I have been thinking of the past , I'm not the kind to give much though to things , I usually go for the emotionless being feel but I guess this all comes with age , thinking of mistakes ,the should haves , regrets, things that we have no control over, I mean come on is not like I can change things now...right?
I have spent nights sitting in front of my window admiring the moon wondering if others feel the same thing, I guess I look at it since its lonesome ...like me , wondering if it also feel alone even if its surrounded by stars , planets, the sun and even other moon  and yet alone... I wonder if others do the exact thing , thinking the same thing about the moon or the sun...I wasted my time thinking but not speaking , I'm the one to remember the smallest of details but act like I'm unaware of most things, I respect everyone's opinion even if I don't think the same way ,seeing the two sides of a coin, not the positive person on the planet... of course when it comes to myself but with others gives great support , preferring to suffer in silence , being killed by time and spending my present thinking of what time has done to me ... living in the past not wanting a future , I mean sure I have dreams , goals and have gotten most done but in reality when it comes to emotions I haven't progress at all ....not every single one just the love emotions.... I feel small in life , want to make changes but will I reach out and make real transformations ? I always smile, I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself , love horror movies but I'm terrified of the silliest of things ,I prefer crafted things it makes me feel like people that make them don't mind wasting their time on me , giving me part of their life ,I'm sorry if the subject has change so much but mostly when writing here I don't want to make it sound nice , correct , smart , dumb , entertaining or what ever you can come up with , this is me , a human with thoughts that never expresses , with a blog as a diary with no pen on my hand ...